Looking back: The advice I’d give my younger self

If someone asked me a few years ago what advice I’d give my younger self, I’m not really sure I’d have had an answer.

Growing up with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD) meant that my life was always going to be a little different. There were obstacles that my friends didn’t have to think about, and there were times when I wondered what the future would look like. As a child, though, you don’t spend much time thinking about years ahead. You’re more interested in what is happening at that moment.

Now that I’m older, there are definitely a few things I’d tell that younger version of myself. Life has a strange way of teaching you lessons when you least expect it, and the lessons only make sense when you look back.

Worrying doesn’t change the future

My first piece of advice would be not to spend so much time worrying about things that haven’t happened yet.

That’s much easier said than done, of course. When you live with a progressive disease, it’s natural to consider what comes next. You wonder how things might change, what you’ll still be able to do and whether you’ll be able to adapt when those changes come.

The honest truth is that worrying never stopped any of those changes from happening! It just takes away time that could have been spent enjoying the present. Looking back, I wish I had appreciated that a little sooner.

People want to help

I’d also remind myself that it’s okay to ask for help.

I want to be as independent as possible. There’s a sense of pride that comes from doing things yourself. While I still feel that today, I’ve learned that accepting help doesn’t mean giving up your independence. Sometimes it actually gives you more freedom!

People are usually happy to help. I’ve met so many kind people over the years who have made difficult situations much easier simply because I wasn’t afraid to ask.

Don’t measure yourself by another’s ruler

Another thing I’d say is not to compare your life to someone else’s.

It’s incredibly easy to do, especially now with social media. You see people reaching milestones, travelling, starting careers or doing things that may not be possible for everyone. If you’re not careful, you can spend so much time looking at what everyone else is doing that you forget to recognize your own achievements. Success doesn’t look the same for everybody.

I’ve realized that some of my proudest moments probably wouldn’t seem like a big deal to someone else, but that doesn’t make them any less important. We all have different challenges, different goals and different paths through life.

Just go

I’d also tell my younger self to say yes to more opportunities. I’ve discovered that some of my favorite memories happened because I decided to give something a go, even when I wasn’t completely sure how it would work out.

Travelling is probably the biggest example of that. If I’d focused only on everything that could go wrong, I might never have boarded a plane or experienced different countries and cultures. Instead, I learned that confidence grows from actually doing things (though preparation does help).

Plans don’t need to go right

I’d also remind myself that plans are allowed to change. When you’re younger, it’s easy to think life has to follow a straight line. You make plans for the future and expect everything to happen exactly as you imagined.

Life hardly ever works that way. Some opportunities appear that you never expected. Other plans don’t work out at all. That doesn’t necessarily mean things have gone wrong. Sometimes they simply take you somewhere better than you imagined.

Learn to live with change

One lesson I’ve learned is that adapting isn’t the same as settling.

Living with Duchenne muscular dystrophy means that adapting is part of life. Equipment changes. Routines change. The way you do things changes.

At first, those changes can feel like you’re losing something. Over time, though, I’ve realized that changing is really about finding new ways to keep living the life you want. It isn’t about giving up: It’s about moving forward differently.

Tell your family their support is everything

If I could also give some advice to my family back then, it would simply be not to carry every worry on your own.

When someone has a condition like Duchenne, it’s easy for parents and family members to feel they need to have every answer. Looking back, I know there were things none of us could control.

What mattered far more was simply being supportive for one another.

The support of family has shaped so much of my life. They celebrated the good, the bad, and really helped me through the difficult ones. You don’t always appreciate how valuable that is until you get older.

Life is happening now

Perhaps the biggest lesson I’d pass on is this: Don’t wait for the right time to enjoy life. There will always be reasons to put things off. You’re waiting until you’re less busy, until you’re more confident or until everything feels easier. Sometimes that perfect moment never arrives.

If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do and it’s within your reach, do your best to make it happen. Make the memories. Take the trip. Meet the people. Try the new experience.

You don’t remember the days when everything went exactly to plan. You remember the moments that made you smile, surprised you or taught you something about yourself.

If my younger self could hear any of this, I’m not sure he’d believe every word. That’s probably part of growing up. Some lessons have to be lived before they can be understood.

But if he did listen to one thing, I hope it would be this: Life won’t always be easy, and it won’t always go according to plan. Even so, there will still be plenty of reasons to laugh, to keep looking ahead and to make the most of all opportunities that come your way.

Read Conor’s column about growing up with Duchenne: “What it was like to be diagnosed with Duchenne muscular dystrophy at 3 years old”